Im just saying

So I've been getting a lot of advice lately, and while I know it comes from people who are saying things to be nice, it's just made me think about how hollow some words are.  This isn't a new thought, I'm pretty sure every 8th grade English teacher tells their students not to speak in idioms and stock phrases.  And I think using these pre-fab ideas and sayings is a form of laziness, allowing you to get a basic point across, thereby getting the contour of your thought without having to make the effort to explain the nuances of what your really mean.

My friend broke up with her significant other recently, and I remember being very careful not to say things like "Well, all things happen for a reason" or "It's probably best this way".  Instead, my buddy and I tried to cheer her up by talking about how a recent NYTimes article discussed how different reading patterns can be a reason to break up for people.  I'm sure there was other inane conversation made in there, and now I wonder if this distraction method didn't come off as glib as these terrible sayings.  So I'm making a list of five things I don't want to hear, and that I won't say from now on.

1.  I don't want to hear "If you love something, let it go.  If it comes back to you, it's yours- otherwise it never was".  There are many reasons I don't want to hear this.  First of all, if you love someone, why would you let them go?  How about, if you love someone, make the effort to make things right?  Second, the whole "if it comes back to you" part is such nonsense.  No one ever comes back after being let go.  Or at least not in my experience.  And maybe that means they never were mine, but I'd like to assume it has more to do with ego, and settling scores.  Third, I'm not an 8th grade girl so since I no longer put hearts over my i's, and something this cheesy just makes me nauseous.

2.  I will no longer say random things to make a situation more comfortable, just because I am more comfortable when someone is laughing.  So no more ridiculous stories and no more making outrageous plans that I have no intent on carrying out just to get you to laugh.

This is a lie.  I can't help it.  I deal with sad, uncomfortable moments by making inappropriate jokes.  If I were to use the medical information I got off of a recent Grey's Anatomy episode, this kind of behavior is symptomatic of a brain tumor.

3.  I don't want to hear that time will heal things.  I know that to be true, but saying it just sounds dismissive.

4.  I will no longer try to immediately set my friends up with someone else after they break up.  While I do think distractions are a great way to move on, it's unfair to the 3rd party, and probably to you too.

5.  I don't want to hear anything that could be found on a Hallmark card.  What I wouldn't mind is funny embroidery, like:

 I'm a big fan of arts and crafts.  Collages are also appreciated.  ;)